October 19, 2021

 I have really believed that i will write somethings daily on here. My diary started at May 1, 2021. But this is my second at October 19, 2021. My life has changed too much on this period. I gave my lessons hardly and i had a girl friend first time. We were friends for 17-18 days and she was my girlfriend for two weeks. It is a short period honestly. But i had felt something special after years. It was a good emotion. 

After everything i thought that i can't contunie that relationship. I had a few special reasons. I don't know. I guess i couldn't love her. Nope. Absolutely i couldn't love her. I just forced myself to love her. I have always been thinking about i will be together with a woman who loves me who i love her. But i forgot the life. 

Anyway. I took an exam about my English level. I just wondered that which level i am in. So, i try that test but my result schoked me. It was 11/25 A2! I felt very bad. I guess, i won't learn this language perfectly. My yökdil point was 50. I am really bad about learning new things. Especially vocabs are testing me. I was trying to learn some vocabs 2 days ago but i couldn't learn them. I learnt nothing on first half hour. It was very bad situation for me. But i try my best and i write 18 new vocabs to my notebook, and studying for them. 

Today, I went to school at 8.50 a.m. My Uzbek friend called me. I thought she called me with just voice but i saw her on the phone and i was schoked. She said that she couldn't my voice, already i couldn't speak. And we didn't talk. It was a bad idea. My lesson was at 11.00. I played table tennis and hang up with some guys. On the lesson time, i went to the reading hall and tried to study some. But i couldn't do that. I just studied 20 pages. I had thought that i saw a girl who had look at me a week ago and i left the library (already i was almost doing that to eat) and go to dining hall when i try to see her. Because i was in front of her sometimes or behind of her sometimes. Already i have seen her on half of way. And just see a few timed till go to the dining hall. She waited in front of the door and called someone i guess. I went to inside of building but she didn't come. I saw her face some but i am not sure about her if she is that girl or not. That is a very bad. It was like following someone, but i was trying to see her face to be sure. I won't do that stuff anymore. Bad idea. I came to her early and eat too much walnut. I have to gain weight. I have to do that. I am getting thinner day by day. 

I will learn: walnut.